Wedged

Stuck between a rock and a hard place. Have you ever felt that way? That's exactly where we are right now. We own a house....well, we are paying for a house, and have been for almost ten years now. I'll be blunt. Our house is making us sick. We live paycheck to paycheck. We've sunk several thousand dollars into fixing this dump. But we're still stuck. Insurance will not help us. We have no money to move out, and no more money to fix the situation. I suffer the most as I am home more than the others. My chest hurts. My head hurts. I don't know how much more I can endure. But we still push on. We really need a miracle here. We are not the kind of people who want for nothing. I'm almost embarrassed to ask for help. But we desperately need it. Don't get me wrong, I love the street we live on, our neighbors. I wish we could scrap this place and rebuild. Right. Here. My husband would just die if he read this, because he works so hard and loves this community more than anyone knows. It's hard because he is a volunteer Firefighter in our community. He helps others, not the other way around. But that's just what he does in his "spare time". I give as well to our community through volunteering through sports and classroom time. We are just the average everyday family in our community. But we need help! We work hard and just want a healthy home to live in. Is that too much to ask?

Broken

I feel broken...not physically, but emotionally. There. I. Said. It. My heart hurts because I can't connect the right ways with my 7yo. I envy the families right now who are enjoying every last morsel of summer with their kids, while I am struggling daily with mine, just to not feel berated and abused because we didn't go to the park today. Last night, we had the same argument we've had for a week. Make a path with the toys so I don't break my neck, in your bedroom. I finally flipped out after a three hour struggle to move 6 toys. I kicked the whole damn mess into a corner and listened to 3 more hours of horrible angry words before my hubby came home from  fire training. A day in the life, right?

Contemplations

I've struggled to write for some time, as all bloggers do, I guess. This post leaves me in a conundrum of sorts, as it's a very personal account of what's been on my mind. So, think of it more as a diary writing.

This past year, I've really struggled with the whole "finding myself" situation. A lot of people struggle with it at some point in their lives, I know, but it seems to have hit me exceptionally hard this past year. There are several factors which support this, including me turning 40 in 16 days, being jobless for 4 years, and having kids so far apart in age...one a soon to be Sophmore in high school, one a soon to be 2nd Grader. I am super thankful for my husband who works tiredly without complaint and still quietly listens to all my "problems" of each day. 

However, we are not without our share of troubles, in the whole big grand scheme of things. I've been trying super hard to keep a positive front, but I feel like I've hit my emotional wall with the world lately. I feel like all the balls I've been juggling, are about ready to come crashing down. Some would call it my "mid-life crisis", but it's more than that. I want to do something more, have that full-filling job, be available for my family, and still be able to volunteer as well as full-fill my position with The Gridiron Club. Is that asking too much? As of right now, I have the time to fulfill most of those because I'm not working. And there lies the problem.

Right now, school is about to start. Sports fees, school fees, school clothes (not even remotely the expensive kind), school supplies, bills, the mortgage, a broken garage door, fall and winter fast approaching in the mountains, and our continual mold problem with the house, which is I swear making everyone sick. Feeling trapped while trying to do fundraising for others, when I secretly wish it was for a new house for us. Depressed by the whole situation. And still trying to keep a positive front with our family and the world. Where does it end? When does it get better? I wish I knew, but in the meantime, I'll keep plugging along, taking care of things and everyone, and hoping for a miracle.

Apologies

I thought I'd be really good at this blogging thing, but apparently I'm just a slacker, ha ha!  Well, not really, but that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.  :)

We've just been enjoying life and all that comes with it.  Fall has been amazing this year!

As you can see, my office is very inspiring!


I've also been busy creating in preparation for my first craft fair.

Become a fan of my Facebook craft page by clicking the link at the top of this page.  You'll then be subscribed to updates about my home-based business, and get to see more of these wonderful items on display.


So until the snow starts seriously falling, (which by the way isn't very far off)  we'll continue to enjoy our "backyard" and all that it has to offer.

Adventures in Dairy Free Cooking

Over the past year and a half, we have been working with our pediatrician on resolving our youngest son's constant congestion.  It's been hard though to decifer whether the congestion has been due to living at 8,500ft where it snows almost 9 months out of the year and almost zero humidity, or the dust from burning wood in our wood stove in the winter, or allergies in the summer from blowing dust and pollen, or from just a plain head cold.  We've tried every allergy & decongestant medicine out there, along with a variety of nasal sprays and washes.  Nothing really has helped.  I've always known that seasonal allergies run in my family, but up until now, have never really thought about food allergies possibly being a cause.  So at our recent well child check, we discussed testing for food allergies.  Since he was already receiving a lovely dose of immunizations at this visit (the prize for turning 5), we decided to opt for the elimination diet versus another stick with a needle for a blood draw.

Though we eat a fairly healthy diet (no HFCS, and try to eliminate additives and preservatives),  it never dawned on me that milk, or dairy products could be the cause.  From the overwhelming amount of information I've been reading so far, milk and milk proteins cause our mucus membranes to thicken, and consequently can lead to chronic sinusitis among other things.  So, first up on our elimination diet is dairy products, since this makes the most sense right now.  This is no easy feat, as just about everything has milk or milk proteins in it.  Try to find a sandwich bread that doesn't have these things in it at your local grocery store (not specialty store, as we have none up here) to make a PB&J for your five year old, and you won't get very far.  The same goes for snacks in which five year olds will actually eat.  Thankfully right now, a lot of fresh fruit is in season and on sale, so there are lots of options.  But come winter, I feel I may be doing a lot more cooking and baking things like granola bars since the price of fresh fruit will once again skyrocket.

We've only been into the dairy free elimination for a week now, but holy cow!  I can tell a huge difference already, especially when my son is sleeping.  I feel better already knowing that he's getting more rest from being able to breathe better.  While I can control what goes into his foods at home, I know our biggest challenge has yet to arrive when he starts school this fall.  Class snacks, treats for birthdays, etc.  Believe me, I WILL be talking to the teachers and making sure we are all on the same page.  At least I know that what I put in his lunchbox is dairy free.  So for now, I'm arming myself with a barrage of information, recipes, and patience, as we continue along this dairy free journey.

Move along...

Ok self-defeating attitude.....we are breaking up!  I am not going to let you drag me down anymore.  I was weak, and let you take me for a ride, and for a brief time, you were fun.  But now, all you do is complain and make excuses, and make me depressed and tired.  I have a lot to live for, and don't want to miss out on anymore opportunities.  I have a new love...motivation.  Please understand, as we part ways from here.

Progress.....slow, but steady

I started a new online Biggest Loser challenge on June 13th, and to be brutally honest, my progress has been slow, but steady.  But, since then, I've lost just under 6 lbs.  Yay me!  I know it's only been two weeks, but celebrating the small things helps keep me motivated.  While I haven't gotten a ton of exercise in, I've been increasing my water intake to a minimum of 64 oz each day.  I've also been spending more time in the kitchen chopping away, preparing lots of travel snacks like cucumbers, carrots, snow peas, apples, grapes, pretty much anything I can put into a lunch box and keep in the car since I'm in the car a lot more this month with softball games, baseball games and practices.  And, I've really made it a point to steer away from bread products.  Not always successful with that one, but I guess it could be worse.  Another goal I'm working on is only eating when I'm truly hungry, and stopping when I feel full.  So, as we near this holiday weekend, I'm going to raise a glass (of water) and drink to sticking to my goals.  Cheers! :)